Thank You, Next
The other day I went to grab my favourite pair of jeans. As I lifted them up, my eyes darted to some others underneath.. the ‘jeans that no longer fit, but you keep just incase’’ jeans.
It’s not just me is it? You all have that part of your wardrobe you’re keeping “just incase” you decide to be that size again, right?
I’ll try and reason as to why I’ve kept these jeans..
Because I only have 4 pairs in total, and if I got rid of the ones that didn’t fit I would end up with only 1 pair (so sad).
Because if I got rid of the ones that didn’t fit, I would be accepting that the old slimmer me was no longer around.
So what do you do when you’re faced with something really confronting that you would prefer to just bury and ignore (I.e my stupid smaller sized jeans)?
You put on your big girl pants (jeans) and take one last crack at wedging yourself in these smaller clothes (I mean why wouldn’t this be fun?)
Let me tell you what, the results.. were hilarious.
The first pair fit! But was so ridiculously tight that I wouldn’t be confident sitting down as the fear of popping the top button off and taking someones eye out was too real.
The second pair fit! Except I wasn’t able to zip up the fly.. at all.
And the final pair.. they kinda just hung out at my thighs.
But that was it, my butt wasn’t letting these jeans get anywhere NEAR my waist. My butt has grown so much in the last year that it was an actual barrier to the jeans completing their sole purpose of getting to my hips, I could not even squeeze each butt cheek in separately.
For many of you this may sound familiar, and perhaps when you have tried a pair of your ‘jeans that no longer fit but you keep just incase’ on you didn’t find it that funny.
But for me, I see the changes in my body and I celebrate the way it’s adapted as I’ve added more weight to my lifts. As I’ve given it adequate fuel, it’s grown into the body it was meant to always be.
And that doesn’t mean that I am 100% cool with all the changes it’s gone through (can I sub out the stretch marks but keep the booty?). I kind of had to grieve for my former self, an identity that I no longer familiarise with.
It’s a long process of not over analysing that reflection in the mirror. At any weight, shape or size, we all have insecurities that trouble us from time to time.. but you know what doesn’t help these insecurities? Holding on to a whole wardrobe that no longer fits you.
Not all weight gain is created equal and to have a healthy life, keeping your body fat on the lower side of things is something to think about. But don’t let you not fitting in your old jeans be something that you measure yourself by.. Just like you shouldn’t let the number on the scale add or take away from your self worth.
Give yourself permission to let go. And respect who you are right now. Today.
Get that whole other wardrobe (the one that doesn’t fit), put it up on gumtree and use the profits to buy yourself a new pair of bloody jeans.
Because trust me, feeling shit every time you look in your wardrobe?
Ain’t nobody got time for dat.